At the time of our decision, the biggest driving force was our weariness of the feeling of frustration. We saw obvious problems. We saw nothing being done. Why? Why? Why? Frustration developed. And stayed. And stayed.
2 months after our decision, the feelings have diminished. The befuddlement remains.
Several good friends from the old church have asked me why I left. I don't think my story for them was clarifying. This is partly because I want to avoid speaking badly of friends and partly because I haven't/ hadn't assembled the pieces into a story. Here is another try: a story I wanted to experience but didn't. I wanted a redemption story. It could have gone like this:
After messing up relationships with staff and some congregation members, our pastor would lead us through his process of confession, forgiveness, and restoration of what could be restored. [Instead he left.]
My friend who was under church discipline due to conflict with leaders would get together with them and fix the relationship. [Instead leaders banned him from the church.]
Church members would talk about tough issues, why they matter, and what the church should do to ensure unity in spite of them. [Instead discussion was actively discouraged.]
Perhaps like the pastor I left too soon? I hope that is true.
The second reason for continuing to process is that the decision cracked a story about myself: that I'm a stayer. I finish things for better (marriage, raising kids, projects for customers, bike races) or worse (grad school, bike races). But I left this, happily.
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I've taken some pictures with my phone lately. Someday I might learn to move my fat fingers or gloves out of the way.
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